Feeling Discourage
Came back home at 930pm (14th April) and I am really discourage. Today is actually the so called I work 1 year. And when it touches 1 year you will know what it is like. It is the time to evaluate yourslef if you have done ur work to the best.
I was actually very positive this morning as I was busy clearing my door access logs and I knew I had to do a lot of stuff which I either half way doing or I haven't started. Not only that, I knew I will be seeing CK in office today as he needs to configure the HSM. So it was so called my project too when it is actually not. At the same time of configuring HSM, I have another meeting going on which is about antivirus apps and IPS (this is my work). The thing I wonder is, why people love to cc me into the email even though I am not the expert of the part. Example is HSM = Host Security Module, I know I am doing security, but HSM aint my stuff.
After lunch still work my level best to clear as much as I can and I manage to finalize 1 PnP and next thing I know it was tea time (4pM) and that my friend had to tell me it is tea time. I honestly didnt realize that it was tea time and only I remembered there will be some dudes frm IBM coming for meeting too. Tea time was short and it was back to checking UAR's.
I stop at around 8pm for fast dinner. When I came back, suddenly I remembered my boss wants his PnP listing and suddenly the thought of he wanting to benchmark me with my evaluation really brought me down A LOT! I was acutally suddenly so fearful. I know I didn't really put my best into my PnP but now I am really working hard on it to edit and put in all the stuff that is needed. The thoughts of doing others work is more overwhelming against my work which I am suppose to be good at. After my boss m16 me about 3 weeks ago, I have started to focus on my work, but yet I am still distracted by so much stuff which is nothing got to do with me. I even have to find solutions for programmers whose program is not working nicely which I manage to find and it - 1 day of my original task.
I guess I will need to continue to do OT to make sure my work is all complete. Not only that, I really want to add on as much knowledge as I can so that I will be able to assist / know what I am doing when I leave this company and head to another company. But I guess one thing is for sure, I got to put my work 1st and my learning 2nd. The other day when before I was sleeping a thought or so called words came into my mind and it was this "don't limit yourself to learning. you stop learning when you limit yourself".
I am really not sure if I should stop learning other stuff and only focus at my work. I feel that if I stop learning, everyone will be on top of my head and I cannot compete with others. But there is a twist to this. Know a lot is good forself but can be bad for oneself. So in the end there are extremes of both end which can be really disasterous.
I was actually very positive this morning as I was busy clearing my door access logs and I knew I had to do a lot of stuff which I either half way doing or I haven't started. Not only that, I knew I will be seeing CK in office today as he needs to configure the HSM. So it was so called my project too when it is actually not. At the same time of configuring HSM, I have another meeting going on which is about antivirus apps and IPS (this is my work). The thing I wonder is, why people love to cc me into the email even though I am not the expert of the part. Example is HSM = Host Security Module, I know I am doing security, but HSM aint my stuff.
After lunch still work my level best to clear as much as I can and I manage to finalize 1 PnP and next thing I know it was tea time (4pM) and that my friend had to tell me it is tea time. I honestly didnt realize that it was tea time and only I remembered there will be some dudes frm IBM coming for meeting too. Tea time was short and it was back to checking UAR's.
I stop at around 8pm for fast dinner. When I came back, suddenly I remembered my boss wants his PnP listing and suddenly the thought of he wanting to benchmark me with my evaluation really brought me down A LOT! I was acutally suddenly so fearful. I know I didn't really put my best into my PnP but now I am really working hard on it to edit and put in all the stuff that is needed. The thoughts of doing others work is more overwhelming against my work which I am suppose to be good at. After my boss m16 me about 3 weeks ago, I have started to focus on my work, but yet I am still distracted by so much stuff which is nothing got to do with me. I even have to find solutions for programmers whose program is not working nicely which I manage to find and it - 1 day of my original task.
I guess I will need to continue to do OT to make sure my work is all complete. Not only that, I really want to add on as much knowledge as I can so that I will be able to assist / know what I am doing when I leave this company and head to another company. But I guess one thing is for sure, I got to put my work 1st and my learning 2nd. The other day when before I was sleeping a thought or so called words came into my mind and it was this "don't limit yourself to learning. you stop learning when you limit yourself".
I am really not sure if I should stop learning other stuff and only focus at my work. I feel that if I stop learning, everyone will be on top of my head and I cannot compete with others. But there is a twist to this. Know a lot is good forself but can be bad for oneself. So in the end there are extremes of both end which can be really disasterous.
posted by Jason at 12:00 AM
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